I haven’t posted a blog lately – no excuses, but I apologize for keeping you hanging. I also had a very different topic planned about Mother’s Day, but I’m interrupting my normal programming to bring you something even more transparent and soul-baring. Here goes….
I’m furious at one of my daughters. Livid, even. There, I said it.
The argument started innocently enough this morning, over returning a pair of shoes. We went from talking about the shoes, to yelling accusations of being disrespectful, dismissive, and downright mean (near the front door so the neighbors will really think we’re barbarians). I won’t get into the details, because I’m still feeling self-righteous and my account of events will be very one-sided and reek of “I’m right”-ness.
I really hate fighting with the girls. I tend to be passive-aggressive and would rather pout, mumble snarky comments under my breath, and give the silent treatment (which doesn’t work with three “ in-your-face” teenagers). Then, after I calm down, I want to run around and make amends like someone on a 12-step parenting program.
Guess you can tell I don’t handle conflict very well. I’m a work in progress and am getting better, but occasionally I backslide like I did today.
I have approximately 7 hours while they’re at school to go through my stages of grief over the argument:
1. Denial — “We didn’t fight – we had a very loud, spirited discussion. Nothing is bothering me. I’m not mad.”
2. Anger — “Why me? I’m a good mother! How could she treat me so badly! I ought to send her to live with her grandparents!” (Put a big, red “You Are Here” dot on this one).
3. Bargaining — “If I take the shoes back and I tell her I’m sorry for yelling she’ll love me again.”
4. Depression — “I’m so sad, why bother? She won’t love me anymore. I’ll just watch ‘Scandal’ on my DVR in the dark and eat jellybeans in bed.”
5. Acceptance — “I lost my temper and I’m sorry about that, but it’s not the end of our relationship. Now woman-up, get in the minivan, and pick the girls up from school.”
So now you know one of my dirty little secrets. I get angry and upset with the girls. They get angry and upset with me. We’ll get past it, probably with apologies from both sides. And we’ll roll on.
Tales From The Minivan 
Stacey – perfect timing!! We had a great argument with Spencer about driving and I can say I literally went through each of the stages you mention. We find ourselves saying things we know we’ll regret later, but we can’t stop ourselves. Then, when we’re rational again, we try to figure out how to recant on the irrational comments without coming across as ineffective or wishy-washy! Oh the joy!!!
Hi Jill! I agree – the joy never stops!
Appreciate the honesty! We all get angry and in this world of super parenting it doesn’t seem like it’s allowed. The truth is that it is all about the recovery – we get mad, we make up, and there is always love!